I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
