it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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