Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
