oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
