I am spending my child support on dildos
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
