Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
