this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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