I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
