She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
