Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
