Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
