Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Less talking, more tequila
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
