Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
