Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
