she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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