Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
