I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
