idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
