And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
