My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
