I hate all girls vehemently.
4 words: hood of his car
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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