I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
