I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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