Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
