I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
