I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
