we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
