Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
