Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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