i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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