I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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