Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
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