Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
