At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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