I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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