he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You took a bar mat shot.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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