I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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