i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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