She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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