whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
