During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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