I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
