Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
