i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She's the barista slut.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
