babies were throwing up all over the place
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
