She went from zero to smokin in five shots
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
