It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
