You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
