i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
