You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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