I will die if light touches me.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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