It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
