Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
