I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
